"I am absolutely gutted."
That was the way Armidale Rams A-grade coach Luke Kirkby summed up his season on the eve of their final game for the year.
The win-less Rams are due to play reigning premiers the Moree Boomerangs this Sunday for their final fixture for the Group 19 season and it has been a year to forget for Kirkby.
He took on the role at the end of last year full of belief in the young side and was enthusiastic about the potential he had to work with but the season hasn't lived up to expectations.
One year ago, Kirkby's main mission was to get players on the field, having a go at the sport he loves.
In a contrast to what he feels today, Kirkby was eager to pass on the knowledge he has learned throughout his rugby league career in western Sydney and on the Central Coast to young players in the Rams squad.
He admitted the lack of dedication demonstrated has shattered his confidence as a coach.
"In my first year coaching, it was not how I thought it would go," Kirkby said.
"With the players we have, we should have done a lot better.
"I am just speechless, so angry, annoyed and heartbroken, all the emotions."
After a few losses early in the piece, training numbers began to dwindle and with the end of the season in sight, Kirkby admitted he has been left devastated.
"A few of the boys gave up after just a couple of games, I haven't been able to get them to training," he said.
"They choose to play footy throughout the year, they need to commit for the year.
"At the end of the day we are in last spot and that is a reflection of the attitude throughout the season."
While devastated about the way the year has played out, Kirkby highlighted the achievements of a few, led by the ever-consistent Scott McIntyre.
"They all look up to him and what he does on the field," he said.
"He is a tremendous player.
"I don't know what we would have done without him.
"That pretty much goes for the whole forward pack.
"Our forwards try every week, as much as they could."
After the Rams' under-18 side folded earlier in the year, Kirkby had some young guns at his disposal to give them a taste in the top grade.
"It has been great watching them develop in to A-grade players," he said.
"Next year they will be better for the run and i think you will see them play some really good footy."
Despite the tough year, Kirkby is looking forward to one last hit out.
"At the end of the day we always enjoy playing the Boomerangs, they are a good side to play against," he said.
"It is always a lot of fun when we are playing, we are laughing with each other and joking around with each other. When they hosted us a few weeks back, all the boys left pretty happy with themselves, not only the way they played but the way the Boomerangs hosted us."