After years of horror stories and folklore, a group of women are reclaiming the dating scene warning each other of the men who are misrepresenting themselves on dating apps.
Subscribe now for unlimited access.
$0/
(min cost $0)
or signup to continue reading
The phenomenon of "Is this your man?" and "Sis, are we dating the same man?" Facebook groups have spread around Australia with groups cropping up for most states and major cities.
Now regional specific group are popping up around Australia, including in Orange, Dubbo and Bathurst.
What exactly are the groups?
The groups are a place where women can upload photos, names and/or ages of men from dating apps to check if they have a dubious past or if they're in a relationship.
Group moderator Jacqlyn said the pages are a place where verified, real women can look out for other women in the dating scene. These groups focus on heterosexual relationships.
"I think it's saving women a lot of heartache and a lot of trouble before they go too far down the path with these guys. It gives girls a chance, they're just chatting to his person, everything seems okay but maybe there's a few red flags or something's popped up and it's just not adding up," she said.
"They would just put a picture up of this person, sometimes, you know they'd add a name or an age. And women can comment 'yeah he's great' or 'I went to school with him, good guy' but then sometimes there's other stories that come out, women say 'no, he's married' or 'no he's horrible' or 'this is how he treated me...'."
Jacqlyn, who is single and on the apps herself, has posted a photo of a man she was chatting with in the groups.
"I was thinking about meeting up with a guy I'd seen on an app and we'd been chatting and exchanged phone numbers then it got to the stage where a few things didn't add up and I posted on it and it was actually one of his staff who said 'that's my boss, he's married'," she said.
"Once I found out, it doesn't surprise me anymore, when you've been on the apps for a while, it's like let's chat with someone else. My time's limited because with my career and everything, I have my family and friends, I don't need to give that man another second, or thought or energy, that would just not even be worth it. I just move on."
Are these groups a positive addition to social media?
Psychology professor with Charles Sturt University, Dr Rachel Hogg said there's good and bad to these social media groups.
Labelling someone a particular way can become problematic, according to the professor, as these records are digital, therefore out in the world forever.
"There's a big, big range of behaviours here. Anything from ghosting to domestic violence experiences are potentially reported in these groups," Dr Hogg said.
"I think [the groups] can have potential negative consequences for the men who are being reported on, but it's also very tricky for the women who are dating. I like the groups ... the whole idea of women banding together to avoid these red flags, these guys don't deserve your time. I think the impact of these groups is still a net positive."
Moderator Jacqlyn said the group has strict guidelines around the allegations of domestic violence, but it has provided a place where women can warn other women of potentially dangerous men.
"When someone wants to post about domestic violence or they've got a criminal history, they have to show the admin that they have actual proof. They don't have to post that, but they have to show us. We don't want women making false allegations about men."
The group behind the group
Dr Hogg said the solidarity behind the Facebook group is a great byproduct of the phenomenon.
"The solidarity that women have claimed a lot across different contexts to try and survive things that are really difficult ... I think these groups are very much in reaction to people who band together," she said.
"We have a greater sort of push forward or social connectedness when there's a sense of threat and the dating environment."
Moderator Jacqlyn believes if the man has nothing to hide he won't be worried about featuring in the group.
"There's [normally] no accusations or anything, the girl has a right to ask about character, if there's nothing to hide, then what's the problem?" she said.
"If there's 10 or 12 comments and all the women are saying the exact same thing, then you're just a sh*t person. Be nice to women and I know it goes both ways."
Grace Ryan
Deputy Editor at the Central Western Daily, Orange. You'll mostly find me tinkering in social media and newsletters. Working hard to get our stories in front of your eyes.
Deputy Editor at the Central Western Daily, Orange. You'll mostly find me tinkering in social media and newsletters. Working hard to get our stories in front of your eyes.
