Be clear about this, my wife is cool!
We have lived together for 35 years and she's the business, make no mistake.
But yesterday, while I'm self-isolating, and she heads out the door on her way to work, she turns to give me a peck on the cheek and I instinctively flinch and sway out of reach like a teenage girl trying to avoid the slobbering embrace of some drunken old bloke in a pub at midnight.
It wasn't a great moment.
I'd just been busy trying to calm the worried look in her eye by reassuring her that she had nothing to be concerned about (at a distance of 1.5 metres) and that a COVID-19 infection was only a remote possibility. So my reflex, "don't come anywhere near me" body language only made me into a liar and amplified her anxiety.
Now, you may say I was acting like a snivelling coward, but what you don't know is that my wife is a SCHOOL TEACHER. A teacher of infant children who spend a good deal of their free time with their fingers up their noses, in their mouths, in their hair and then crawl all over their teachers.
Yes, my wife is one of those who is being sacrificed by the prime minister because the kiddies can't miss out on their education.
Is he serious!
Their education! Oh, get the violin out Scotty.
Prime Minister, I think there will be some time in the future to cover the shortfall in their under-funded education. We've got something a little bit more important to deal with at present.
Scott Morrison has peddled fear from day one of his political career and now he's saying, "be cool teachers, kids hardly ever get infected".
As far as I know, scientists and medical experts haven't rejected the idea that kids are potentially "super carriers".
In Germany they have just announced that people are not to gather in groups of more than "two people".
Last time I looked at a school the numbers were somewhat bigger than that.
Now I'm sure in time there's every chance I'll relax and get over this morbid fear of my wife.
I'll leave bits of food for her outside her bedroom. I'll knock on the door and then bolt down the hallway.
We can chat by Skype. It will be romantic, like online dating.
The back shed is looking more comfortable by the minute.
But in all seriousness, the government has to make a decision.
Are we self-isolating or not?
When NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian sends teachers to work but advises parents to keep their children away from school if possible, what we have is a terribly mixed message that will cultivate fear and anxiety.
As Barnaby Joyce says, "this is a test for us all", and most definitely it is a test of the quality and courage of our leadership.
Simon Bourke is an ACM journalist.