Forget about the Olympics, what about the toilet paper Games?
Let's face it, with the current shortages, it's something of an Olympic-style competition.
Not only does it involve great physical strength and the stamina of a long distance runner, but there's a deal of grey matter (strategy) involved in this conquest.
The supermarkets aren't making it easy, I'll be honest.
Changing the delivery times, day to day, means one cannot possibly anticipate the arrival of the delivery truck and it's load of gold.
Told 8am one day, 10.30 the next and then 3pm - none of which produced the desired result - I was somewhat disheartened about my chances. Perhaps tomorrow.
Still, I am convinced of the Olympic potential of this 'sport'.
We could do it in age groups. That way no one would be disadvantaged.
If you have children, you automatically get a head start. Because everyone knows they use more, with little care of how much is actually left in the cupboard. It's just a given.
If you are elderly, you automatically qualify for the final. Of course what happens after that is up to you. I'd suggest steroids. While it's probably not a great idea if you are preparing for the 'real' Olympics, I'd suggest any advantage you can gain here is worth it.
If you are down to your last roll however, you bypass the race altogether, and achieve winner's status. The two pack is yours, no argument from me.
Also, don't forget to limber up. A pulled muscle, any muscle at this stage in the race could result in you being out of action for some considerable time. And that's not good for anyone.
Of course none of this would be necessary if people would just 'calm the farm'.
Have a little bit of respect for your fellow citizens and the fact that clearly many of them have a desperate need to hoard enormous amounts of toilet paper, here, there and everywhere. (that's sarcasm in case I have not made myself quite clear)
FFS people just stop!
Jokes aside this is a serious situation and one we at ACM take very seriously.
Since last Monday most of our editorial team has been working from home.
We see this as a necessary step to help stem the spread of this virus, and maintain continuity of our business, which is making sure our community is as informed as it possibly can be.
Our offices have been closed to the general public, so no walking in off the street, but that doesn't mean you can't get in touch with us.
We'd love to hear how you are dealing with the 'new normal'.
On that note, enjoy the rest of your Sunday.