We know that expectations of what it is to be a father have changed dramatically over the past decades. Fathers today can be the traditional family breadwinner, but they can also be playmates, teachers, friends, protectors and models of expected behaviours.

Where mothers and fathers support each other in their family roles, children are much more likely to have good mental health. Conversely, family conflict is stressful for children and can impact on their development and wellbeing.

During the pregnancy, fathers have an important role in supporting the child’s mother. Support will help lower maternal stress and this has a positive impact on the development of the foetus. Fathers can buffer some of the stressful events happening around pregnant mothers. 

After the birth, fathers can help with the workload so that mothers are not as stressed. This might involve help with family chores (always boring but important to keep the family operating effectively). Fathers can build a nurturing relationship with the new baby so that they feel comfortable and capable of helping out.

Research suggests that fathers sometimes find engaging with a tiny baby quite difficult so they are likely to use more complex speech patterns. Rather than being a problem, this can often be beneficial as it creates opportunities for babies to hear complex speech.

Research shows that effective and frequent paternal interactions with babies is likely to result in improved adolescent wellbeing. One study showed that paternal interaction in early childhood was associated with better body image satisfaction in adolescent girls and better well-being in both boys and girls.

Another study showed that for families living in poverty, more involved fathers were likely to have children with fewer behaviour problems. Men whose fathers were more engaged with their upbringing are more likely to become involved fathers themselves.

Secure and nurturing relationships are linked to better cognitive and social development in children. Children are more likely to be willing to explore and to be more socially competent. 

Involved fathering is not just about the amount of time fathers spend with their children. It is also about the ways in which fathers interact with their children.

Developing nurturing caring relationships is the key and that involves fathers learning to “listen” to their children with both their eyes and ears: learning to read their children’s verbal and non-verbal signals and learning to respond in ways that respect children’s developing agency.

That means offering children (appropriate) choices, modelling appropriate behaviour and clearly identifying limits. Fathers can avoid power struggles with their children by becoming adept at identifying triggers and finding ways around them.

Knowing that children are not able to manage intense emotions and actively preventing them from blowing up can go a long way towards maintaining family harmony.

Being available at key times of family stress (like when mum is trying to cook dinner, bathe the children and listen to homework all at the same time) to defuse situations can turn a risk into a wonderful time together.