Although we like to think we’ve all come a long way since school, the fact remains that so much of what applied when we were 12 applies today. We still dread censure from the people in charge. We still gasbag with neighbours when we should be working. And we still throw gum nuts at the people we fancy.

We all feel more mature but, when put to the test, our adulthood is no guard against primal fears. Take the fear of the unknown that comes with starting a new job as an example. We like to think it won’t be like starting at a new school but it so often is. There are new people, new odours and new norms, all of them conspiring to get the gut butterflies fluttering.

Fortunately, once you get past a nervy first few days, you immediately hit the pay-off. I’m talking about the I’m New Card. Like the I’m Leaving At The End Of The Week Card, when played judiciously, the I’m New Card card is unimpeachable.

You can play it when your work’s a bit iffy. You can play it when you realise you’ve been calling Tariq from Finance Larry. I once played it at Burwood Smorgy’s after walking into the bathroom and interrupting the manager feeding a stuffed toy kookaburra regurgitated porridge from out of his own mouth.

How long does it remain the office trump card? I had a colleague who pleaded ignorance based on having ‘‘only just started’’ for a full three years. That’s stretching it. But make no mistake: it’s worth keeping up your sleeve for a solid six months.

Play it wisely.

Jonathan Rivett throws electronic gum nuts at haught.com.au