Is Bigfoot real? This is the question that has plagued almost nobody's minds for a number of years. But there are certainly those who believe passionately that Bigfoot is out there, and The Bigfoot Files (7TWO, 7.30pm) is determined to find out whether we should be listening to these people.
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It may be that we don't need a TV show to tell us this, but what we need has rarely been a decisive factor in the commissioning of television programs, so off we go with documentarian Mark Evans to meet with "Bigfootologists" (!) who swear they've met the big hairy guy.
Don't imagine this show is going to be nothing more than a series of hilarious interviews with wild-eyed lunatics about the time they saw a guy in a Chewbacca (pictured) costume.
No, Evans has enlisted the awesome power of SCIENCE - geneticist Dr Brian Sykes will be testing hairs from Bigfoot encounters to see what kind of DNA he can turn up - the DNA of familiar beasts, or … something else?
I can't wait to find out whether Bigfoot is a big pile of nonsense, or whether in fact yetis are real, the world of zoology has been turned upside down and every news program and scientific journal on Earth has ignored it for some reason. This is point-and-laugh TV at its absolute finest.
The results of the DNA test will take an hour, including commercials, to come back, so Evans kills some time by flying to America to chat to Justin Smeja, the "Sasquatch killer", who says he would "give his house" to see the science prove him right, which comes as quite a shock - it's hard to believe this guy has a house.
Smeja is notorious among Bigfootologists because he claims he once shot and killed a Bigfoot. A man of action rather than a man of functioning brain, Smeja never thought to, say, take a photo, or even bring the body home to show everyone; but I'll say this for him - he knows how to re-enact a Bigfoot shooting.
There are more Bigfootologists to meet before Sykes' results are revealed, but I won't spoil it for you: if you want to know whether Bigfoot is real, you'll just have to watch the show.
This is also the only way you'll find out who's going to be eliminated from MasterChef (Ten, 7.30pm), the faded juggernaut that has regained a bit of its mojo this year, thanks to a few appealing characters and some decent-looking food.
Unfortunately it's Heston Week, which means the elimination challenge will probably involve dipping cupcakes in liquid nitrogen or some stupid thing.
But look, the important thing is: somebody is going to cry.
