After spending 35 days in The Meadows rehabilitation clinic in Arizona, Olympic swimmer Grant Hackett has opened up about his addiction to the sleeping drug Stilnox.
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Hackett told News Corp that he knew a year ago that his life was unravelling but struggled to come terms with entering rehab as it was an admission of weakness.
“I’d been talking to my mum and dad and I’d said things to dad for probably 12 months prior to that saying I don’t feel like I’m coping that well anymore with so many different elements of my life and being on my own,’’ Hackett said.“It was really difficult and I was white knuckle all the time, and I’d always push myself through it and physically, mentally, emotionally it really started to take its toll on me.”
“I looked at rehab and thought, well I can’t have a weakness, you’ve got to keep pushing. I knew I needed to do something but I didn’t know what and getting on that plane [to Arizona] for me … there was a sense of relief,” he said.
Hackett’s personal issues first came to light in 2011 when he tore up the apartment which he shared with his now ex-wife and singer Candice Alley.
Police were called to his prestigious 57th floor apartment in Melbourne to find he had up-ended a piano and smashed doors and walls after a day out at Derby Day and Crown Casino.
Images showed an interior door ripped apart, a grand piano overturned, plastered walls punctured with large holes from punches, equipment on the ground, a toppled Christmas tree, smashed picture frames and empty bottles of alcohol on the floor.
But his latest addiction to Stilnox came to a head in February when staying at Crown Casino with his two young twin children Jagger and Charlize.
Hackett made headlines after being photographed in a state of undress looking anxiously for his missing four-year-old son.
The former swimmer was barefoot and shirtless, and appeared to be wearing a singlet around his waist, in the foyer of the casino as he searched for Jagger, who had disappeared from the hotel where they were staying.
Security staff are believed to have found the child on the 20th floor of the complex.
Hackett later told News Corp he was driven by fear and panic when he realised his child was missing, and rushed out of the apartment with only one thing on his mind.
After leaving rehab, Hackett says that traits that made him an Olympic champion have not helped him deal with life outside of the pool.
“I’ve been an athlete since I was four years old and every moment from there on ’til I was 28 was about pushing through, overcoming, push the pain away, get on with it,’’ Hackett told News Corp.
“But when it came to something emotional, you just learnt to suppress it. To actually stop and assess for a second, you didn’t do it. You just get on with it and just execute what you have to do and you kind of get to a point where you probably can’t keep going like that. It’s unsustainable.
“I was of that psychology in every part of my life. That was my approach and it’s probably good as an athlete, but not so good in every other part of your life.”
“This is more rewarding. This is life. This is much more serious than any of that stuff.
“My whole life I’ve tried to be invincible.’’
Hackett also said that he is keen to talk to his former swimming teammate Ian Thorpe who has been battling a much publicised battle with depression.
